Ed Cigar (satanic_cigar) wrote,
Ed Cigar

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Fuck Life

Wow, I am pissed. Or I just was.. You see, I was writing on this very journal when my foot grazed the surge protector under the desk, turning off my computer. I only had about a paragraph written so nothing really that bad, but I got so pissed (because it's been happening a lot) that I got up and kicked the front of my computer. I jammed the floppy disk drive about 2 inches inside the computer and it won't come out now. Oh well, I don't use it. But fuck, that's some anger.

Anyway, as I was about to write, I have finally just about come over the illness that threatened to take my life as well as Joe, Andra, Chrissy, Fulcrum, Verdi, and Rob Moore. So, take that JJ Bitting, we're coming for you. Fuck man, I never felt so bad in my life. I haven't been legitimately sick in a long time, so it kinda caught me off guard, and of course spewing for the first time in god knows how long. I was also going to say before I got cut off that I haven't really updated in awhile so I guess I should.

Fucking A, other than that illness, I haven't been all that great either. I finally went back to work on Thursday which meant another $60 payday, plus about $40 in tips. So not that bad, but when you figure in I have a credit card bill to pay off and Christmas shopping that has yet to be started, it is very bad. So, if you're on my list this year you might want to wait on my gift because you might not get it until 2005. Sorry, but I am fucking poor. Anyway, I did have one gift already picked out, but who knows if I see that person even remotely soon. Oh yeah, and school still sucks. And that's that.

The nightlife this week is great. I've been to the Reo a whopping 4 times. I am ready to commit suicide very soon. It's pretty funny actually as the other night I went insane and ripped out Monterio's head rests and beat the fuck out of him and Joe with them. Apparently not the best thing to do as Joe flipped the fuck out and beat the Jesus out of us. This was all at about 2 AM. On Thursday night... fuck. One night me and Tucker talked about band stuff, which is always an interesting conversation. I have been back to writing music and whatnot. Oh yeah, thanks to those who commented on my lyrics (no thanks to those on LJ of course). If you didn't know, it's a fast song. Kind of hard to imagine really but once you hear it you will understand. I have another faster Misfits type song but I don't know where to go with it really. It's so damn simple.

One thing that has been bothering me about that stuff is that our songs are so fucking easy that I can literally pick them out on guitar without knowing the tabs. So, I want to try to make things seem more complicated than they actually are by adding multiple breaks and changes. I have the general idea for that last song I posted but again hard to sing along with the rythym if you don't really know what the fuck is going on or don't know the words. So, that's something to work on. Joe has also been writing his ass off coming up with some cool stuff, which may at first seem more suited for a break or something, but if you play with them a little on guitar, it works out really good. Cicchi has supposedly been digging out solo stuff which I have yet to see, so I hope he's been writing as well. I started recording myself playing, and I'm not a very good guitarist but I do have some good ideas here and there. So it's just a matter of picking the riffs out really.

I am also toying with the idea of putting both of my drumkits together and have a crazy ass super set. It would be weird as hell but probably fucking cool as hell, too. So we'll see. I think I need a new guitar. I like the Epiphone but I want something a bit more non-entry level. Something good. Christmas is coming!

Acutally I think my parents are done shopping for me. All I think they got me is a hi-hat and a stereo. That's all well and good, but I would rather recieve like 10 small things (CD's, DVD's, etc) than two big things. It's just the way my mind works. I'm always satisfied with what people give me really. It means a lot that you actually go out of your way and get me something. It says you care. So care about me and give me stuff. Ha, but remember to get mine last. Otherwise I might not have yours yet.

FUCK. I am bored. I just got back from fucking around town with Fitz. Haven't seen that kid in a week, so we ate at McDonalds (where they hassled me over money) and then to the dreaded mall which wasn't as bad as I thought. Packed to hell, but much easier to get around than I would've imagined. Looked at jewelry and stuff. Fuck..

I need to get another job I think. There's not enough at this one alone, so I might start another during Winter Break. We'll see.

How's life? Mine sucks. Actually not bad, but I have been pretty depressed lately. This cycle of steaming liquid shit is all starting up again and low and fucking behold it's Christmas time again! The most wonderful time of the year has never been one of much high standing in my book. I thought it would be different this year but alas Baby Jesus strikes again. Something is seriously wrong with me. Was I fooled again? Was it all a facade? Maybe, but one thing is for damn sure, my feelings weren't a lie so my heart is fooled maybe more than my head. Hard to think of this stuff now, but what can you do? Just cut yourself again and go on living this miserable hell that is my life.

(sigh) So ... how bout that internet? I hear they got some pretty neat things on that internet...

Well, onto a topic that I've been laughing about for days: The Steroid Situation. It has (at least to me) never been a secret that professional athletes have always used steriods at one point or another. Jose Canseco, Ken Caminiti, and the latest culprits, Jason Giambi, Barry Bonds, and Marion Jones. I have really no problems with a loser who uses steroids, but if you're in a big spot like Bonds where you will hold the most coveted record in all of Baseball and it is discovered you used steroids the punishment should be more severe. It proves to me that no matter how good you could've been, you're not better than Hank Aaron or Babe Ruth because they didn't use "performance enchancing drugs". So all that talk about how Bonds is the best player EVER is all bullshit now. He just ruined it. His numbers are ridiculous but we'll never know if he would have the same stats if he didn't do steroids. I always thought he was a good player from back in the day, but it's so obvious when you look at his physique that he did it (his head is huge)! Giambi, too, was so jacked that you knew something was in his coffee in the morning, and it wasn't artifical sweetener.

What should baseball do with them? When you are going to be a legend as unfortunately Bonds will be, I think you should allow them into the Hall of Fame but not for awhile and then allow something on his plaque that explains he used this stuff. The record should be thrown out (but that's just because I hate Bonds) and he shouldn't get any record at all because he cheated. It's no different that saying Pete Rose was justifibly banned from baseball. I don't want to hear any purists say this shit is okay because he didn't know they were steroids (which is bullshit). Giambi should be fined ridiculously or something, just because he's a jackass. And of course Olympic medalists like Jones should have thier medals confiscated and stricken from the record books. I seem a bit militant, but I don't think steroids are ever a very good idea, and if you take them you must not care for yourself a whole lot. And if you don't care about yourself, what should make me think you care about the game?

So in summary, Bonds should die, I hate life again, I'll live with it, Christmas is coming, Jesus hates Carlos Santana, and I have more CD's. That's it, see you later.
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